When Life Knocks You Down (Literally) — You Rethink Everything

 

Not long ago, I fell — hard. And not just metaphorically.

Getting out of a car one day, I lost balance and landed face-first on the concrete. Two of my teeth broke and pierced through my lip. I was rushed to the hospital for stitches and scans. There was no time to process — just pain.

No painkillers were prescribed. I was left with over-the-counter options and the type of endurance no one talks about.

But honestly? The physical injury was only half of it.

My Body Betrayed Me — and I Didn’t Trust It Anymore

The first month after the accident, I needed a cane. Not just for walking — but because my body no longer felt safe. My legs would shake with every step, stairs were terrifying, and walking more than 100 meters felt like scaling a mountain.

I wasn’t just recovering. I was learning how to stand up again — physically, emotionally, spiritually.

And while all this was happening, the world outside kept moving.

The Internet Demands Consistency. But What If You’re Broken?

Before the accident, I was building something: a blog, a creative space, a little online corner full of recipes, remedies, and art. I was also creating Redbubble designs and trying to grow my social media. I had goals. I had plans. I had hope.

But then the world flipped.

I had to take my life in my own hands. To become autonomous and to learn how to ask for help — which is sometimes harder.

To take care of my body and my soul, because I truly can’t keep living like this.

And here’s the kicker: I still want to create. I crave softness, creativity, freedom, connection. But my energy — on a scale of 1 to 10 — feels like -5 most days. I feel functional depression creeping in, and I’m too tired to pretend otherwise.

This Isn't Laziness — It’s Survival

Let me say this out loud:

Taking care of yourself is not laziness.

Taking care of your health is not ego.

And if someone wants to judge me for not “doing more” — then they’re welcome to f*ck off.

I’m living with MS. With fibromyalgia. With chronic fatigue, body spasms, shaking hands, mental exhaustion. I’m fighting invisible battles every single day. And yet, I’m still here. Still trying.

So no — I’m not going to pretend I can “hustle harder.” I can’t go back to the rat race. I won’t.

What I Want Now

I want peace.
Freedom.
Softness.
Creativity.

I want to do the bare minimum — with deep intention and high quality — and still build something beautiful. I want to earn enough money to live. I want to find a community that understands this strange, slow, sacred rhythm of healing.

I want to talk openly — not just about recipes and herbs, but about the deep, messy human stuff. The reality behind the curated photos. Even if people don’t know I have MS (because my father doesn’t want me to talk about it — maybe because he hasn’t accepted it himself), I still want to be real.

And I miss myself.

Or maybe I just haven’t met her yet.

A Reminder (to You and to Me)

It’s okay to stop.
It’s okay to take a breath.
It’s okay to say: “I’m not okay right now.”

And if you’re someone who’s ever felt the pressure to keep pushing — even when your body is screaming no — please know: I see you. I am you.

If You’d Like to Support Me

Right now, I can’t go back to a “normal” job. Physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually — I’m not in that place.

But I still want to create. I want to build a space that heals others as much as it heals me.

If my words or my work have ever meant something to you, I’d be so grateful for your support:

👉 ko-fi.com/mindfulartkitchen

Even small support helps me cover medical costs, keep the lights on, and rebuild — slowly, but surely.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here.

I’m taking life one soft step at a time.

And that’s okay.